Save An Optimist, Give Honesty A Try

The high heels, the little black dress, their crazy fun carefree attitude…It’s enough to make a man fall in love there and then. Nevertheless, there are plenty of things to remember when attempting to hit on a party girl at the nightclub. They may be more free and easygoing but there are lots of obstacles to stop you winning her heart. There’s the crowded dance floor, deafening music, dozens of other lads who also want to get in her pants…and that’s before you even get a chance to speak to her. These 18 essential facts about party girls will help you get ahead. 1. Party girls just want to have fun Most party girls are up for flirting with a fun guy. Just keep it cool. The club is not the place for serious conversation or social awkwardness. Either add to the fun or forget about

2. Party girls know what’s up Every hot woman knows when you’re hitting on her. Don’t hide it. Don’t pretend you’re just being friendly. Have the bravery to make it clear you’re courting her. Honesty is the best policy. 3. Party girls love to drink Sometimes party girls get too drunk to hit on. If her jibber-jabbering doesn’t make sense, she’s too drunk for sex. 4. Party girls get ‘resting bitch face‘ That RBF is intimidating as anything, but have sympathy.

Her high heels are killing her. The line for the lady’s room is too long. The bar staff are beyond slow. It’s not her fault. Believe that introducing yourself will turn her frown upside down. 5. Party girls get hit on all the time If she’s initially defensive, she’s probably already been bothered by half a dozen other dudes. Show some empathy. Be politely persistent. Focus on showing her a super fun time. That should separate you from the other selfish douche-bags. 6. It takes party girls hours to look that good Hair seductively straightened. Eyebrows plucked to perfection. A dress better than the other ten she tried on.

Don’t underestimate the effort made to prepare for the evening. Any careless comment about her appearance and she’ll detest you until the end of time. 7. Some party girls are only after free drinks Sadly, there’s a strong sub-culture of females who only flirt with guys to get a free drink. The second you give these girls the glass, they’ll disappear onto the dance floor. Avoid buying her drinks in the beginning to see whether she likes you or what’s in your wallet. 8. Some party girls are only after attention Party girls in relationships will still flirt with fun guys. They love the validation. To avoid wasting time with a woman who won’t get it on with you, try getting a little bit physical. Lead her to the bar by the hand. Stroke back her hair to whisper in her ear. Pull her towards you ‚re face-to-face on the dance floor.

These seemingly innocent moves will make single women swoon, while those in couples will feel uncomfortable. You’re winning either way. 9. Party girls don’t leave the club before midnight Regardless of how great it’s going, few girls will go home with a guy in the early part of the night. They want to drink, dance, party and enjoy the whole evening. Don’t try to drag her away until later on. 10. Some party girls are shy Even party girls get nervous around guys they like. Often, they become self-conscious or worried about saying something stupid. As a result they appear shy and timid. This doesn’t mean they’re uninterested. Stick it out until they’re comfortable enough to open up to you. 11. A party girl’s friends are more important than you Females are loyal to their friends, even if they’re on the pull. They won’t leave a mate standing alone, nor will they tolerate mistreatment of them.

Befriend her friends. Their opinion of you is worth as much as her own. Ideally, you’ll have a wingman ready to win over anyone your woman is with. 12. A party girl’s jam is more important than you Every girl has a song that gets her sprinting to the dance floor regardless of who’s hitting on her. I swear Iggy Azelia has probably prevented a zillion pick-ups with her catchy club beats. 13. Some party girls are mean Party girls love drama on a night out. They’ll point out all of your flaws to find out if you’re really the confident person you’re portraying. They’ll fake disinterest to test how you react. Stay grounded throughout these mind games and you’re all good to try to take her home.

14. Some party girls live miles away If you’re partying in a big city, consider the distance between your apartments. Some girls won’t go home with anyone who lives miles away from where they’re staying. And there’s no point exchanging numbers if she’s only in town for the evening. Can you cover the cost of a cab ride to try to seal the deal there and then? You shouldn’t spend hours hitting on her without working this out. 15. Party girls live for the moment Party girls live for the moment.

Mediocre to Man Magnet in Fifteen Minutes

They want to fit in as much fun as physically possible. If you’re the coolest bloke in the club, they’ll be begging for an invite to your after party. If you are that fun guy, don’t be afraid to get girls back to your apartment straight after a night out. 16. Party girls are still worried about slut-shaming Her inhibitions could be lowered but she still feels the burning gaze of our slut-shaming society staring deep into her soul. Even when she wants to sleep with you, she won’t admit it around her mates. Don’t turn things too sexual before you’re alone and she’s comfortable showing off her seductive side. 17. Party girls might not remember you Just because you spent time together and swapped telephone numbers doesn’t mean she’ll remember you the next morning. Alcohol does mischievous things to our memories – and she’ll have given her number to most hot guys she met that night. Send her a Snapchat or use Whatsapp to help remind her who the hell you are. 18.

Party girls have regrets Alcohol leads to regrettable decisions. The bloke who seemed to be Prince Charming at the bar can become just another boy by the next morning. Gorgeous women get to ignore loads of texts from men who never left a lasting impression. Hopefully, the advice above will prevent you from becoming the latest man she regrets meeting.   Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook6Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Online Dating I’ve heard friends say the following, “You know, I’m successful, good looking and I’ve got my act together… Why can’t I find someone who wants to date me?”  My typical answer, as a friend is, “You tend to suck at life in the ways it really matters.” Excuse me?  What’s that you say?  Or, better still, “Why would you want to be a member of a club that would have YOU as a member?”  Woody knew what he was talking about all along…Sure, being successful and stable are important traits with any potential dater in the single world.

  Most people will tell you that stability is an important trait/feature in a potential suitor.  Why don’t you? I know I like my women stable, able to take care of themselves.  Though, I do have a lingering “white knight” complex that wants to “save” women who aren’t stable, per se… That’s an urge I’ve learned to resist, but that’s another story and another article. Success is, really, only a very small part of what makes a person desirable to date.  I have friends that make great money, have nice things, have their own homes and are a lot further along in life than myself and, yet, they are unable to find that special someone.  Now, I can’t sit here and tell you people why that is precisely.  However, i will hazard a guess or an assumption, so stay with me… Some of the people I know, who are single, not all of them, but some, have particular similarities in their attitude.  That is, they tend to be overly sarcastic, they tend to be a “Debbie Downer.”  More accurately they tend to be cynical.

  They’ve got it in their mind that people are looking for someone that isn’t them. This sort of attitude, plainly put, is shitty.  If you find yourself thinking like this or saying things like “Oh this eight dollar glass of wine tastes like every other wine blah, blah, blah” then stop. Take a moment to enjoy a situation and your company.  I’ve long held this quote in high regard and close to my heart “If you change the way you see things, the things you see change.” Think about that quote for a moment. There’s a lot of power in this idea.  It has the potential to change one’s outlook on life, in general and it can do a lot for a person’s disposition by making them more desirable to be around.  In summary, find the positives in everything, rather than the negatives and focus on those positives. It can make all the difference… those who are successful sometimes take for granted those very things that make them successful. Not everyone does this, but I notice that my friends who are successful often pass over those very things that make them successful.  Understanding those things that make you and embracing them can also have the positive affect of effecting ( I hope I did that right) real positive changes in attitude.  If you have a great job where you get to help people, take notice of that and learn to re-appreciate it. One of the most important things that I’ve observed in my single, yet successful, friends is that they’re lacking in social activity.

  They tend to be home bodies and don’t really get out a whole lot.  I’m not saying they should be at the bars or anything, hitting the club scene… That can get pretty boring and isn’t terribly stimulating. What I am saying is that it’s key to fill one’s calendar with meaningful activities that take them outside of their comfort zone and puts one in a position to meet new people. Oh great, meet new people? Get out there and do something?  Like what?  Shut up your face!!! I was just getting to that part.  There’s really a near endless amount of things you can do. You know, I participated in a running class for a time and I met a lot of people there.

Women’s White Lies: What She’s Really Saying on Date

  Went to some bbqs and mingled and met new people.  That class netted me some dating action with two different women.  I’ve taught web design classes at a senior citizens center and got a date out of that… Wait, that sounds wrong, no, I didn’t date one of the seniors but I did date one of the volunteers… Though, I’d hit up on some of the elderly action. Just don’t hate on me for On the activity note, here’s some other things to consider doing: Take an acting class at a local college or city community group. Volunteer Get on Twitter, go to Tweetups. Group Dancing classes Hiking groups Have get togethers at your place, invite some people over and have fun. Make it a themed night, board games, video games, cards, Rock Band… Use your imagination Learn to let go… There are things about each of us that we don’t like, or that we want to improve, sometimes these are things we get hung up on. You need to let them go and learn to “be okay” with these things.

  It’s easier said then done, I realize, but it can serve as a emotional anchor. Look, I’m not perfect.  Far from it, but guess what, I’m good with who I am and where I am in life and it shows… I’m a lucky person.  I’m loved, I’ve been in love and I’ve got amazing people in my life; friends and family both. There’s a lot to like about me… and that’s pretty cool.  I’m fortunate in that way.  Without realizing it, I just took a moment to appreciate those things that make me who I am… Perhaps that’s the first thing anyone reading this article should do. Take a moment and appreciate how awesome you really are… Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook2Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Opinion, Self, Tips & Advice Tagged in: Dating, single With the most notable of all the Pickup Artists retired, is it time to re-examine the PUA culture? If you’re a man, and you break out into sweats at the mere mention of talking to a woman, what do you do to help get over the fear of approaching a woman? The fear and anxiety is real and I’ve seen it countless times, I suffered from it, too, for a long time.  In the case of Neil Strauss, best-selling author of The Game, you create a community based around “game theory” designed to help even the odds for the lovelorn male masses. To be clear, that culture was already there, it’s just that there was abruptly name for it: PUA (Pick-up Artist). In the case of everyone else?

sign up for the culture and play at “game theory.” By now you’ve heard the terms: Negging, opening, the cube technique and so on. If you haven’t, then I’ll bring you up to speed. Negging is the practice of undermining someone’s (a woman in this case) confidence with back-handed compliments in an attempt to gain trust and approval. Opening is simply a strategy for opening up a conversation with someone rather than naturally allowing a conversation to happen on its own. The Cube is a mechanism used to gain the trust of someone by applying base generalizations to the intended target. This is done through story-telling and hefty amounts of bullshit. Today it’s common for men to gather and participate in group activities on how to approach and pick up on women. I was at a co-working space where one such class was “in session.” There was a whiteboard with a diagram illustrated on it of different ways to approach women on your own and also with a wing man. The group of men would act out different scenarios and improvise their responses as if they were hunting big game. In this case, the big game is women. Humble Beginnings: The Game The Game pre-dates this site by about three years. Still, at the time I started the Urban Dater, the PUA culture was just beginning to hit its stride as it began to solidify its identity and saw its awareness raised with the TV show The Pickup Artist. Even then I began to hear the rumblings of frustration that came from “getting rejected,” “not being able to understand women,” and increased frustrations with being “friend-zoned.” Sure, I’ve been frustrated at various points when women I was into only wanted to be friends with me. I never got to point where I felt like I needed to “rig the game.” borrowed from – That’s what Neil Strauss set out to do and succeeded far beyond what he likely imagined. When I say “succeeded” Strauss succeeded in giving a voice to this culture of men “playing the game” of manipulating women into doing what they wanted. He did that by letting men know that their frustration wasn’t theirs alone, that others also struggled with this anxiety, too.

That shared frustration continued to “snowball” and gave more momentum to the PUA movement, where it hit its peak popularity around 2009. There’s no scientific evidence to show just how effective “gaming” women is. But, make no mistake, it is effective. I’ve seen it at the office. I recall having conversations with friends back around the time I started this site. They would say: “Bro, you should do some articles on pick up techniques” or “man, I went to this pickup workshop and we all got phone numbers! You need to be doing this, too!” I didn’t realize what a juggernaut this way of thinking had grown into, but then it became crystal clear and what I saw bothered me. There were PUA workshops and forums all over the place; books, courses, and websites were sprouting up all over the place with the promise of helping men “score” with any woman they wanted. The Pressure to Man-up From what I have seen personally and what I have read elsewhere, men who participate in PUA shenanigans are often suffering from some form of social anxiety when it comes to women. Men who embrace The Game and associated theories aren’t all men just trying to “score.” They are well-meaning people who suffer from a very real fear of rejection.

There’s an amazing amount of pressure for men to approach women in our society. They also need to be witty; to be good-looking, charming, well-dressed, and making the first move. Of course, all of that needs to be done while also not being “a creeper.” This pressure can drive men to try just about anything to better their chances. However, this anxiety can turn into frustration and then resentment. You know what? I get it. When I came to the end of my rope in dating and relationships, I finally threw in the towel. I was done. I stopped dating for just over two years. I was angry and I was frustrated. I was chasing unavailable women, women who didn’t want me or didn’t want to provide the emotional overhead to make things work. It was a pattern that repeated itself over and over. I couldn’t take it anymore.

I was growing desperate and angry. That’s when I did a “hard stop” and took a break to focus on me. During that time off I began to examine my frustrations and those areas, I discovered where I was weak. At the end of this self-imposed dating hiatus, I knew I was finally ready. I went back into the dating scene and I more self-aware and better prepared. I had to overcome problems I had run away from and I had to get over some of my own self-esteem issues. This took time, lots of time and, certainly, I am not doing myself, or you dear reader, justice with this tl;dr explanation. Suffice it to say, to move forward, I had to take a step back and fix some shit internally. *** A System of Coercion I remember hitting up a couple of clubs with a friend of mine, “Dean.” Dean is very charismatic, witty, and charming. He is great at picking up women, so good, in fact, he was teaching other men how to pick up on women with his own workshops. One such workshop caught the attention and furor of a talk show host and her millions of fans which caused him to lose his job and go into hiding. Seriously. What good did the culture of the Game produce?

Well, in many ways it did help countless men overcome social anxieties stemming from a fear of rejection when approaching women they were interested in. That night at the club, Dean had “picked-up” a amount of women and got 9 phone numbers. I had a few decent conversations and no phone numbers. I was impressed by Dean’s ability to dive right in and have conversations, I was envious, in fact. While hanging out with Dean and seeing him “go” first hand and also implementing these techniques it was clear to me that there was much more that was bad about the culture when weighed against the good it produced. And it’s not because he did better than I did when it came to talking to women. What I saw was this forced dialogue. Something that wouldn’t happen if Dean didn’t have a routine at the ready. Ultimately, I think authentic interactions are the way to go, when you have a system or a routine at the ready to employ and then use them on a woman, that interaction is no longer “authentic” it’s governed by this system of seduction. What good did the culture of the Game produce? Well, in many ways it did help countless men overcome social anxieties stemming from a fear of rejection when approaching women they were interested in. I think that’s pretty valuable, especially given that I, too, suffered this same social paralysis. Case in point? Dean. He told me his story of anxiety when it came to women. It took me years to overcome that same anxiety and Neil Strauss’s PUA bible didn’t help me with that.

Getting comfortable in my own skin helped me with that. Overcoming myself and building up my own confidence is really what it came down to. The problems with the PUA culture are numerous. In particular, what I see is that it devalues women and undermines their confidence by utilizing delusory techniques. At its root, PUA was designed to help men overcome issues with confidence and anxiety; however, the majority of what is known to the world is to deceive and coerce women; it’s gone astray and convinced men that they need a “system” to control and seduce women. And for what end? To get them into bed? That’s a sad and shallow goal.

There has to be something more, right? It’s Time to Kill the Pickup Artist When I look at my buddy Dean and another friend, Rick (also a PUA subscriber and practitioner), I see two good-looking guys who are charismatic and, at their core, “good people.” Their self-confidence and anxiety around women is what drives them to try to “get one over” on women using these techniques.

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